Tuesday, April 29, 2014


Today it is the first day of my period. I don't usually do it (or I haven't done it for at least few years) - but today I craved for chocolate all day, so I bought one. My favourite one - Milka** with whole hazelnuts.  I am eating it right now. Delicious!

I don't want to look back. I don't want to remember, for how many years I was heartbroken on the first day of period. I healed for a week or so, then I was OK for two weeks, but then it was again time to be heartbroken again. 

How glad am I that years of having heart broken all the time are over, for good.

**This chocolate always reminds me on my childhood, when it was not possible to buy it in my country. So sometimes we drove to Austria to buy it there. 

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Wishing I had a son

Atlas Shrugged (Centennial Ed.

I have quite some children that mean something to me. But I do have a favourite one. It is my husband's nephew aged 17. When I met him for the first time he was 6. He was the sweetest boy I have ever seen. We had many nice moments together (the best excursion: Gardaland, favourite thing: many long walks with the Wolf). 

When he was 13, he said that he had read Atlas shrugged in English. I did not believe him, since I read some pages and it is extremely difficult book to read  for a non-native speaker.  So I joked that I would read the book as well, just to prove that it is impossible that a boy that young read all thousand pages. And he was excited - that finally somebody from the family would read the book. Anyway, I started reading it and it was so difficult. But of course I could not admit to a child that I was not able to finish the book, so I kept reading. After a while I started to really like Dagny and Hank, so I finished the book. I had quite some good discussions with the boy - he is so clever! (I asked him many detailed questions about the book... and yes, he had read it!)
(just a note: our country unfortunately in many ways resemble the country that Ayn Rand escaped from, so  it is really interesting book also because of that).

I met him today again, after some weeks. It was lovely to talk to him. He told me today (first in the family!) which university he is thinking to go to next year. He made a good choice. And we were talking about the new puppy (he loved the Wolf as well).

If I could choose who my child would be, I would choose him.
(the younger version of him, him as a baby.... so that all the best moments of his childhood would be mine).

Monday, April 21, 2014

America del Sur

It is rainy lonely day. So I need something something to lift my spirit. 

I looked at the photos from our wonderful one month of travelling around south of America. It was just before our first IVF (and after a surgery that tried to rescue my blocked tubes). 

We fell in love in Argentina - we both hope to return one day.

Enjoy the photos!

Buenos Aires:

 El Calafate, Patagonia:

 Perito Moreno:

 On our way to El Chalten: 

Fitz Roy & Cerro Torre:

 I opened the pipe for this beautiful thirsty guy: 
Bus from Rio Gallegos to Comodoro Rivadavia:

 Llao-llao (Bariloche Lake District):

 View from Cerro Llao-llao:

 View from Monte Campanario: 

 Nahuel Huapi: 

 Lago Espejo:  

 Through the desert back to Bariloche:

 Vulcano Lanin:  

 Rio Turbio, Chile:  

Vulcano Villarica: 


 Santiago, Michele Bachelet's auguration:  

Bus passing Aconcagua - going back to Argentina:   


Iguazu Falls:   

Itaipu, Brazil:

Our favourite food: empanadas:   

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Do you need children to be happy?

I read the article in the last week's Stern.

There are some interesting statistics. For example: in Germany 20 % of the women in the age group 40 - 44 are childless.

There are four short interviews with four childfree couples. I have absolutely nothing in common with those people except the fact that none of us has children. Because - all eight of them are childless by choice.

My infertility scarred me for entire life. My heart was broken for million of times. I had to embrace my childless life in order to start living again. Being childless was never ever my choice.

Especially one couple really bothered me. Their main reason why they decided against having children was that they got used to luxury. Like having three fancy dinners in restaurants per week, shopping, honeymoon on Mauritius, buying Porche....  I was reminded on Time's article from last year: http://time.com/241/having-it-all-without-having-children/
that really disappointed me.

Most of the women told that their birth control method  is/was sterilization. Really - those women do not come from my tribe. How many medical interventions did I have to try to help my blocked tubes? (=blocked not by my choice!)

The article did not lift my spirit. It is high time that I put on my beautiful running gear and go for a short jogging. Jogging makes me feel good. Jogging makes me happy.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Life is good & Be strong & Don't be afraid!

I totally loved it:

I hope to be one day old & gray & wise. And I really hope that then I will be able to say: this is not the life that I planned, but no other life would I like to have more.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

The Lake

There are many many beautiful places out there that I haven't seen yet. But if I had to choose one that I am looking forward the most to see one day, it would be the one on the photo above.

PS for the author of the photo: I am the photo without your permission, but I am sure you do not mind.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Pasta alla salvia

One of the luxuries of being childless is the freedom to cook what me and my DH love. 
One of our favourite spring recipes: home made pasta (made by me) with sage. 
Italian name: pasta alla salvia. 
With lots of delicious parmeggiano and some good red wine: just delicious. 

Photo above: was taken on Sunday. 
(no time to cook during midweek).

PS: it is only an urban legend, that childless women have tons of available free time. 

Saturday, April 12, 2014


Me & my DH had an excellent day today. We visited competition of German Shephards, we met also the breeder of our beloved Wolf. And - we have chosen the mother of our future puppy and  made a reservation for a puppy for spring 2015.

On a way home we visited some beautiful villages and small towns. Almost all of the photos were taken in here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C5%A0tanjel

Life is beautiful. We have now something to really look forward.